Shadhavar's Blog

Battlefield – Sparks – What it means and how this fits my life in this moment March 6, 2010

Went to my parents house…. Needless to say another adventure ensued. A life lesson, a test to my own strengths, weaknesses, limitations, capabilities, depths of the soul and limits of the human heart and my body’s strength and my mental stability that my constitution exhibits when I had already searched (or thought I had) the very depths of my soul and very existence; down to my own light, darkness, and mortality.

One should never assume they have sought the very corners of their being; heart, mind, emotion, soul, and mortality. I will be the first to tell you there will never come a time when you know the entirity of yourself until you are faced with particular situations or you are elevated to that next place at the end of your current cycle in life.

I have learned so much in the span of 7 days in their exactness. Day and night and wee hours inbetween. Not just about myself but the connections with others both positive and negative.

In sum up of my week I am saddened and yet uplifted, I love and feel compassionate but do so from a particular distance. I am grown. I am my own person. My life and my relationships matter and should be respected and upheld.

One minute it was love and then it was a battlefield, small details, can’t go back . I never meant to start a war, never meant to hurt. Hands tied for nothing, misunderstanding. Again I never meant to start a war. Not sure what we were really fighting for, we got our armor but we don’t have to fight. I don’t want love to ever be a battlefield. I never want or meant to start a war…